Interviews

Five Feet Apart

July 18, 2019



I recently saw the movie Five Feet Apart and was pleasantly surprised by the story. It featured talented actors, Cole Sprouse from Riverdale and Haley Lu  Richardson, as 17 year old Cystic Fibrosis patients. Stella has learned to take take control of her life despite spending most of her time in the hospital. She figured out how to cope with disease by setting goals, big and small, to give herself a purpose. Everyday she sets out to achieve those goals which gives her the strength to keep going. 

When a new patient arrives down the hall from her, she becomes curious about him. Eventually they form an unlikely friendship despite their obvious differences. She has OCD and relies on a structured environment and lifestyle to cope with the illness. Will is the complete opposite and has a tendency to be rathe complacent with the diagnosis and his life. The two of them could not be more polar opposite of each other and despite their pull to one another, they try to come to terms with their differences. 

On top of that, due to the particular nature of the disease, they must remain six feet apart to avoid cross infection which can be deadly. Stella has been put on the lung transplant list and Will is trying a new treatment in hopes of eradicating B. Cepacia which is resistant to antibiotics. He is very aware of his life expectancy and his unlikely chances of getting a lung transplant. 

While I was watching this movie, I happened to be bedridden due to my chronic spinal pain and was very surprised as to how much I could relate to them. I had been in the ER for the fifth or sixth time in the last few months and sympathized with their situation of being in the hospital and living with a chronic illness. It’s not easy trying to keep under control and despite our best efforts, it can flare up very quickly and unexpectedly. Just when we thought it was smooth sailing, everything suddenly falls apart. It’s like having the rug pulled out from under your feet and you are trying to make sense of what happened. 


Stella does everything she can to maintain a consistent approach to her life while Will seems to be flying by the seat of his pants and jeopardizing his health in the process. Once Stella realizes that Will seems to have given up, she does everything she can to help him. 

What I admired was the way they handled the “no touching” rule and yet still relied on each other for support through the use of video chats. This is a brilliant way of staying in touch with the outside world and the people in their lives. They shared everyday moments such as their hospital food, medication, their routines and life in general. 

The nurses do everything they can to keep the CF patients apart yet they always find a way to get together through hilarious antics. Having to live with an obvious reminder that death is literally at their doorstep, they are determined to persevere and still be teenagers. They have a choice: to give up or make the decision to grow stronger. In Stella’s case, she chose to do everything she can to overcome it and also manages to find small pockets of happiness such as visiting the nursery, hanging out with her friends or creating a vlog of her daily activities. 

I loved how she was so proactive with her chronic disease and educating others through the use of her vlogs in such a positive manner. Then it struck me as to how similar we were in so many ways. We both found a way to share the positive and negative aspects of dealing with such a challenging life. I was amazed how I could relate to them despite our different physical issues. I  admired how she decided to help Will and encourage him to create his own goals. She also managed to find some redeeming qualities within him. Funnily enough, even though I don’t have the same disease, there were so many similarities that I recognized, particularly the sense of being consumed by the darkness of chronic pain. It’s a necessary reminder in terms of how much most people take being normal for granted when so many others struggle or even comprehend what it’s like for us. 

This was one of those movies I needed to see since it reminded me of hope and that I’m not alone. It’s about finding a way to embrace life even though it may seem impossible. It reminded me of the importance of having a support system through my friends and family instead of living a sheltered life. Five Feet Apart shows moments of what it’s like to be stuck in bed and wishing they could live a normal life which is literally me, every single day. 

I love how Stella and Will communicate with each other about their fears, dreams, common issues and many other topics they could relate to. Overall, they are fighters which is very much like me. 

I adore how they came from different backgrounds and have vastly different approaches and yet try to overcome it. The way they develop a sense of humour, coping methods and form a unique friendship is truly formidable. It’s a great way to see the world through their eyes and realize the scope of what they endure and finding ways of staying strong. 

It made me realize just how truly unique and beautiful everyone is regardless of their struggles. We need to remind ourselves that we are making a difference here. Most of all, we are human and doing the best we can under extraordinary circumstances. That’s what life is about. 

Recently I read the phrase “Ki Soku Tai” which is Japanese for “Mind, Body, and Spirit” and right away it resonated with me. Everyday I’m fighting a constant battle with my body, mind and inner spirit, it’s a never ending cycle. My life is so complicated that it’s hard to explain. It’s not until someone walks in my shoes or sees what it really is like for me when I end up in the hospital that they truly grasp the scope of my physical challenges and chronic pain. 

Through all of this, it gave me the incentive to keep hope alive by being there for others and reminding them that they are strong, courageous and beautiful. It’s about being there for each other, through the highs and lows. 

Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XtgCqMZofqM
 

You're my light

July 3, 2019

One of my favourite bands, BTS, just released a phenomenal new song entitled “Lights” and it could not have come at a better time. 

After ending up in the ER, again, I relied on listening to BTS as a distraction from the severe pain I was in. I couldn’t have gotten through that night without the support of my dojo family. They were by my side through the entire ordeal and that gave me the strength to pull through it. 

I’ll admit that it took me longer than usual to recover...


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Home

May 20, 2019

Recently, someone commented how much I’ve changed, that I seem to be more grounded. They are right. After an immensely difficult couple of months due to my severe chronic pain and physical illness, I finally emerged as a stronger person. 

Normally, I face a lot of obstacles every day from my profound hearing loss but having being diagnosed with five herniated discs, degenerative disc disease, spondylolysis, inactive C6 radiculopathy and Trigeminal Neuralgia, it tested my faith to the ext...


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Moments in life

March 24, 2019

I recently saw this quote, “Believe that life is worth living” by William James and it immediately resonated with me. After a disastrous two months of being extremely ill, enduring severe spinal pain and multiple visits to the ER, that horrible sense of despair is finally fading away. 

There were moments when I nearly succumbed to the emotional isolation and melancholy of being in so much distress. I just wanted to give up. It was simply too much for me to take anymore. 

Not only wa...


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Navigating the path to independence

November 5, 2018



Growing up with a severe hearing loss was filled with many challenges, both good and bad, and they served as hard lessons that stuck with me. I’ve learned that I’m the only one responsible for my life and that it’s entirely up to me to find creative solutions that work. 

One of the biggest issues that I’m faced with on a daily basis is that I’m not Deaf and I’m not Hearing, I’m in between those two worlds. I’m actually Hard of Hearing in one ear, deaf in the other and speak n...


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Leave a powerful impression

October 7, 2018




“Leave a powerful energy impression.”

Those are the words of Gabrielle Bernstein, from her book “Miracles Now”. The timing couldn’t be more perfect since it’s Thanksgiving weekend here and it would’ve been my mother’s birthday today. I think it’s fitting that I came across that phrase since it’s a time of reflection. 

We are in a transition phase, moving from a humid summer to a cool fall, where the leaves are changing into bright shades of crimson, gold and orange. It...


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We're all in this together

September 23, 2018

I recently came across this phrase by Gabrielle Bernstein "We're all in this together" and thought it was the right fit for today. It certainly feels true. In one of her chapters, she was discussing the need for us to let go of the anger and resentment from our past, especially from our childhood. I agree and this is exactly what I'm working on these days, learning to let go of situations that I have no control over. They are life lessons from when I was a child that focus too much on inequal...


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Pay it forward

August 7, 2018



In a world controlled by  corporate greed and massive consumerism, it’s not a surprise that there has been a monumental shift in the population towards a deeper sense of personal contentment. We’ve have grown tired of the fear tactic that is being used by the retail market, constantly making us think that they would run out of their products when in fact, they have too much on their hands that ends up in the landfills.

There is a growing sense of awareness and concerns about the welfare ...


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Faith

July 31, 2018

As I took some time to recover from a back injury, I turned to music for solace, particularly George Michael. Since his death on December 25, 2016, I miss him even more. Growing up in the 80’s, he was such an inspiration to me. He had this amazing light and passion that was impossible to resist. His words and music was about living life to the fullest and not giving a damn about what others thought. 

He was an icon of my generation. During that time, there was a shift in the world, a tim...


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Embracing gratitude

July 9, 2018




Living in the city has given me a valuable lesson on finding new ways of embracing my life, which has changed considerably. And that’s a good thing. I’m no longer the same person I was before, I’ve gone through a spiritual metamorphosis where I feel more like a butterfly, free to explore my surroundings. 

Even though my routine is very different now and I’m still trying to figure out the best (ie: cheapest) grocery stores, restaurants and pet supplies, it’s an exciting venture for ...


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