You're my light

July 3, 2019

One of my favourite bands, BTS, just released a phenomenal new song entitled “Lights” and it could not have come at a better time. 

After ending up in the ER, again, I relied on listening to BTS as a distraction from the severe pain I was in. I couldn’t have gotten through that night without the support of my dojo family. They were by my side through the entire ordeal and that gave me the strength to pull through it. 

I’ll admit that it took me longer than usual to recover from it. But it was a valuable lesson which made us realize that we had to shift the focus of my training and avoid pushing myself too far. Now I have to learn how to adjust my life around my physical disabilities and limitations. It’s not easy and it can be extremely frustrating at times, especially when it catches me off guard. 

That’s exactly what happened, I never saw it coming. When my chronic spinal pain suddenly escalated from a pain scale of 8 to 12 within minutes, I shut down emotionally and physically. It’s days like that when it becomes unbearable and very difficult to manage. Even the ER doc was limited with what he could do in terms of bringing it under control due to the regulations of opioids. I kept asking for Demerol which is one of the few drugs that works and I’m not allergic to but he refused to administer it. After I was dismissed from the ER, I was still in a massive amount of pain and very groggy. I came very close to going back to the ER a few hours later. 

I’m a strong believer that everything happens for a reason and I know that this was a necessary experience for me and everyone involved. It made us realize the truth and extent of my chronic pain. 

When I read the lyrics for the song “Lights” I was blown away by how perfect their timing was. Their words touched my heart and soul. It was exactly what I needed right now. The song is such a great reflection of what I go through on a daily basis. It gives me hope. I love how they emphasized relying on others to shine a light in the darkness. They remind us that it’s okay to feel helpless and believe that things will change. There’s nothing wrong with being scared or feeling weak. It’s up to us to rise out of the darkness and learn to move forward without fear. Every moment has its own meaning and that’s what I believe in. 

These words in particular struck me:

“Angels who know pain, Flying with scars all over through the night” and “I'm breaking down but there's a light, Morning will come no matter how painful a night”. For me, that rings so true. 


English translation of the lyrics:

Sunday, can't reply to your calls or texts

Can't bring myself to start anything

I sometimes get sick of this

scared of what's going to happen 

But I feel like I can save someone

I hear your voice

Time stops in the midst of chaos

Connecting with you through sound woah

When I close my eyes

In the darkness your light woah

Because you light me up

We can walk unafraid you & I woah

You're my light, you're my light


You shine into my heart

You're my light, you're my light

No matter

How far away you'll reach me

Angels who know pain

Flying with scars all over through the night

Every time I'm thinking about love

Every time I'm thinking about love

Don't want to hear just bright songs

Want to face my loneliness and color my reality

Losing then gaining, pursuing something every day

Believing it'll change like that

No one is perfect

Even this moment holds meaning

Connecting through sound woah

When I close my eyes

In the darkness my light woah

I'll light you up so

Let's walk unafraid you & I woah

I'm your light, I'm your light


I shine into your heart

I'm your light I'm your light

No matter

How far away I'l reach you

A sleepless night

Never thought it would happen

But I guess it’s real

And again get stronger

exactly is love?

If there’s an answer here

I want to know now

I'm breaking down but there's a light

Morning will come no matter how painful a night

We can get over it even the future

We won't stop now

You yourself should decide the value of your happiness

And today again grow up

But there are times you show your weakness

You can stay true to yourself

Don't lie to yourself anymore

Everything connects through sound woah

When I close my eyes

In the darkness your light woah

Because you light me up

We can walk unafraid you & I woah

You're my light, you're my light


You shine into my heart

You're my light, you're my light

No matter

How far away you'll reach me

How far away you'll reach me



May 20, 2019

Recently, someone commented how much I’ve changed, that I seem to be more grounded. They are right. After an immensely difficult couple of months due to my severe chronic pain and physical illness, I finally emerged as a stronger person. 

Normally, I face a lot of obstacles every day from my profound hearing loss but having being diagnosed with five herniated discs, degenerative disc disease, spondylolysis, inactive C6 radiculopathy and Trigeminal Neuralgia, it tested my faith to the ext...

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Moments in life

March 24, 2019

I recently saw this quote, “Believe that life is worth living” by William James and it immediately resonated with me. After a disastrous two months of being extremely ill, enduring severe spinal pain and multiple visits to the ER, that horrible sense of despair is finally fading away. 

There were moments when I nearly succumbed to the emotional isolation and melancholy of being in so much distress. I just wanted to give up. It was simply too much for me to take anymore. 

Not only wa...

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Navigating the path to independence

November 5, 2018

Growing up with a severe hearing loss was filled with many challenges, both good and bad, and they served as hard lessons that stuck with me. I’ve learned that I’m the only one responsible for my life and that it’s entirely up to me to find creative solutions that work. 

One of the biggest issues that I’m faced with on a daily basis is that I’m not Deaf and I’m not Hearing, I’m in between those two worlds. I’m actually Hard of Hearing in one ear, deaf in the other and speak n...

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Leave a powerful impression

October 7, 2018

“Leave a powerful energy impression.”

Those are the words of Gabrielle Bernstein, from her book “Miracles Now”. The timing couldn’t be more perfect since it’s Thanksgiving weekend here and it would’ve been my mother’s birthday today. I think it’s fitting that I came across that phrase since it’s a time of reflection. 

We are in a transition phase, moving from a humid summer to a cool fall, where the leaves are changing into bright shades of crimson, gold and orange. It...

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We're all in this together

September 23, 2018

I recently came across this phrase by Gabrielle Bernstein "We're all in this together" and thought it was the right fit for today. It certainly feels true. In one of her chapters, she was discussing the need for us to let go of the anger and resentment from our past, especially from our childhood. I agree and this is exactly what I'm working on these days, learning to let go of situations that I have no control over. They are life lessons from when I was a child that focus too much on inequal...

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Pay it forward

August 7, 2018

In a world controlled by  corporate greed and massive consumerism, it’s not a surprise that there has been a monumental shift in the population towards a deeper sense of personal contentment. We’ve have grown tired of the fear tactic that is being used by the retail market, constantly making us think that they would run out of their products when in fact, they have too much on their hands that ends up in the landfills.

There is a growing sense of awareness and concerns about the welfare ...

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July 31, 2018

As I took some time to recover from a back injury, I turned to music for solace, particularly George Michael. Since his death on December 25, 2016, I miss him even more. Growing up in the 80’s, he was such an inspiration to me. He had this amazing light and passion that was impossible to resist. His words and music was about living life to the fullest and not giving a damn about what others thought. 

He was an icon of my generation. During that time, there was a shift in the world, a tim...

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Embracing gratitude

July 9, 2018

Living in the city has given me a valuable lesson on finding new ways of embracing my life, which has changed considerably. And that’s a good thing. I’m no longer the same person I was before, I’ve gone through a spiritual metamorphosis where I feel more like a butterfly, free to explore my surroundings. 

Even though my routine is very different now and I’m still trying to figure out the best (ie: cheapest) grocery stores, restaurants and pet supplies, it’s an exciting venture for ...

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Learning Curve

June 27, 2018

Moving from a small, rural community to a large city was a big change for me in many ways. Ironically, it’s the same city that I grew up in, except that it has morphed into a metropolis over the last decade. It was virtually unrecognizable when I first drove in, I was surrounded by brand new tall condos, lots of superstores and restaurants. The streets looked different too, the landscape had changed over time. 

For me, it was a new beginning, a fresh start and exciting stage in my life. I ...

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