Remember when...?

Posted by jennifer gibson on Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Ah, this week has been all about nostalgia, recalling my youth and it was not an easy trip.  It was filled with cringe worthy moments of my childhood which ironically, provided a clearer picture as to why I was filled with so much rage and anger growing up.  Imagine that... 

It's funny how simple things can trigger a sudden waterfall of memories, particularly from when we were younger.  For me it's the taste of Twinkies that immediately transports me back to the playground at school.  I used to eat them during recess while sitting on my skateboard, watching the chaos of other kids scramble around, jump rope, toss the ball or play marbles.  It was a different time back then.  

Lately it's been all about trying to find my way back home, searching for that comforting feeling of being safe.  We all want that fuzzy sense of warmth and coziness, like hugging our favourite toy, hiding beneath a tent made of our bed sheets and reading comics by the flashlight.  Somehow, somewhere we lose that sweet, innocent child where fairy tales were real and life seemed so magical.  It held us in awe. 

I recently watched an episode of Warehouse 13 from Season 2 where Myka received her trunk filled with her childhood keepsakes including her teddy bear and fuzzy slippers.  As she pranced around the room, she twirled and grinned like a little girl once again - deliriously happy as she recalled fond memories of being a kid.  That touched my heart. 

At some point in their life, everyone is exposed to a dark or negative experience such as bullying or some other traumatic event.  Something happens which dramatically alters our perception of a lovely, happy go lucky childhood.  In my case, it was when I was very young when I endured endless and horrific mistreatment from people I trusted who deliberately created a hostile environment to make me feel unwelcome.  They did everything in their power to ostracize me in front of everyone.  They did it to send a message that kids like me did not belong in the society.  I thought that I was a good kid, that I had a good heart despite my disability.  Their actions changed me from that day forth and in a way they literally stole my childhood. I was never the same after that. 

Now as ironic as that is, it shaped my future, my teenage and adult years.  It led me down a path that would end up providing me with intense situations that were a perfect compliment for my books.  It was filled with powerful details, many chapters worth of experiences.  In a way, it was meant to be - it had to happen. 

The funny thing is that, now that I recall what I lost; my young, sweet innocent self -  I want to bring her back and help her feel safe again, holding onto that cute little Jellycat.  I can't help it, those fluffy little critters are so dang cute!

Which leaves me with this question: Shouldn't we be getting wiser as we get older as opposed to getting so wistful for the times of our youth?

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